awww you guys

maybe I am just thinking too much. i read back the note i wrote last night, and lmao, i think it's kinda homo. but if I want change, then maybe I should change myself. but I always thought that since I'm a girl, I had the advantages. I guess not, since I can't be like this and expect everything to go my way. over the years, I have built this wall and I refuse to let anyone in. I may appear to be strong and independent, but really, I'm just the same as everyone else. I am mean to people because I don't know how to communicate with them. i focus too much about the things i don't have so i always forget about the things i do have. maybe i just want attention. who knows. I've always avoided reality and avoid all the problems that bother me.

i read you guy's comments and damn, must admit that was some deep shit. lol i love you guys.

Cindy, i love you so much you don't even know. i do understand that sometimes we get mad at each other for the stupidest things but i always try to avoid all those things because our friendship is more important than those little shits. i mean we have our good and bad stuff and that's what makes us who we are. you're not Cindy if you're always early haha. X3 i know you're always there for me and i will always be there for you too. i love listening to your problems and your rants because i want to help you. i want to make you feel better from all those shits that annoy you. because honestly, i hate seeing you when you're so annoyed with things. it scares me sometimes because i don't know how to approach you or how to talk to you. i don't want to bother you when you are annoyed. but i hope you do understand that whenever you're in a bad situation, and i don't ask you about it, it's when i don't want to bother you and i want you to calm down so i will be able to talk to you after. but i want you to understand that i DO care about the things that are happening in your life. i mean i would love to ask you right there about your problems and sometimes i do try to, so you can feel better. i just want to let you know that you are veryyyyyyy important in my life and that i CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. i love when we hang out, even though sometimes we do stupid shits but those are the memories that i will NEVER EVER forget. X33

Lawrence, sometimes i feel soo bad for being so mean to you. i mean i take you for granted and i know that. but i hope you know that when you stop bothering me, i kinda miss it. this sounds so homo and as im typing this, it's giving me goosebumps. but im glad i found someone who cares about me and listens to my problems even though i'm such an asshole to you. i want to take this time to apologize to you. i'm so sorry for all those times Lawrence. and i mean this, from the bottom of my heart. and i do try and confront boys about this, but i mean, they never take me seriously. maybe it's my problem? well i guess it is. it's how i act. but what am i gonna do? change myself? i shouldn't even be complaining about this, haha because i know it is my fault and my problem. and i do feel sorry for the guys who actually listen to me, the guys who i take for granted. and you are one of them, and i know you know. thank you Lawrence. you're a very good friend, i don't know how to show my appreciation. i really don't know how to respond to the guys who are soooo nice to me. i'm such a terrible person. I'm very sorry Lawrence.

okay so i lost my momentum in writing this emo shit because Trung's comment kinda made me laugh haha. it's a good thing though. Trung, we've been through SOOOO MUCH. omg and i'm glad we are still friends despite all those people who tried to ruin our relationship. haha i like how you said "youre adventurous and audacious but at the same time sophisticated and reserved." hahaha i don't even know what audacious mean. i guess you're right, my wall is crumbling slowly. i'm feeling so weak. i know boys will always be boys, they are always going to be jerks. what can i do about it? "guys treat you the way they do because you show them you can do anything a guy can do and prove to them you arent just any girly girl with a juicy couture bag." haha omg i love you Trung. i thought that was kind of sweet. i love how you always make me feel good about my life. you're such a good brother, and i don't know what i will do without you. i get sad sometimes too when we don't hang out as much. and i'm glad we are really close now because we can have fun even though we don't do shit. LOL we have bad memories but we also have good ones. and the good ones dominate the bad ones. :] oh jeez, i love you brother! you're one of the ones i cannot live without. IM TELLING THE TRUTH, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! you might think that we are not as close as we were before BUT WE ARE! so stop thinking about it because you know i love you. hahahaa no homo

maybe I'll end up like those women with 10 cats in their house, but if that does happen, imma make sure Cindy is going to live with me. or if she has a family, then imma bother her everyday to the point that her husband gets jealous and thinks she's gay :] ohh I love you Cindy haha. I probably won't bother Trung because his wife might hate me and divorce him. LOLL okay I'm forcing it.

i know there are people who loves me in this world. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOOOOOOOOOOOOO and you don't knowww how much you guys mean to me. without you guys, i don't know what i'm going to do. X3333 haha i sound so repetitive, but that's because i mean it. every night before i sleep, i think about all the things that bother me, then i think about all the things that i have and that i should appreciate. i wake up every morning, and i think about you guys. life's too short to think about the bad shits.

i love blogging my problems and my day because i know you guys actually read it and CARE. i love reading the comments because it makes me happy on the inside and i sometimes giggle when i read them. oh you guys..
I love you x infinity